Dear SuHaeng Ja,
I have a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old, and they are total opposites. My 5-year-old acts out with tantrums, only sleeps about 5 hours a night and is a very picky eater. All she seems to want to do is watch TV. My 3-year-old on the other hand always listens and rarely throws tantrums. We raised them the same. Why are they so different and what can I do to get my 5-year-old to stop misbehaving?
Sincerely,
Perplexed Parent
Dear Perplexed Parent,
We are not experts on children, or any other humans for that matter. What we do have expertise in is the flow and process of energy according to universal principles.
What does that mean?
In simple terms, where the mind goes energy follows. Whatever you perceive in your environment has some origin in your own energy field.
Normally, we would advise people to look into themselves before trying to change anyone else. The same might apply to your children. They need love and proper boundaries and many important lessons from you. But the most important lessons they learn may be from your behavior, what they witness in you.
How you experience relationship challenges is entirely up to you. So maybe your real issue does not lie in your child's behavior, but how it makes you feel.
Why are you feeling this way? What does her behavior remind you of? You may not remember right away, but there is something below the surface affecting how you perceive her. Take a break and try to see her behavior from a different light.
Try this simple meditation.
Sit
Take a deep breath and exhale slowly 3 times.
Relax your shoulders and place both palms on your lap.
Affirm
Close your eyes and slowly say, "My feelings are not me. My memories are not me. My daughters are not me."
Repeat this 3 times.
Release
When you open your eyes take one more breath and release it with a long ahhhhhhh sound.
Recall this relaxed feeling whenever you witness or even think of your daughter’s behavior.
What in the world is a SuHaeng Ja?
SuHaeng Ja: soo-hang jah (n.) One who practices SuHaeng
SuHaeng: soo-hang (v.) 1. Performing an action with sincerity and intention to grow.
(n.) 2. Any practice, such as walking, observing, meditating or exercising, done with commitment and consistency.